I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
