All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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