the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
