if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
