Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We're too hungover to prance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
