Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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