This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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