Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
