first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
