taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
