My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
