Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
