Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
