The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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