2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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