chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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