Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize