We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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