i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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