Yo dont text me then not text me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
