While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
