Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
