Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize