He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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