You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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