You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
