You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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