She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
