I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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