I hate all girls vehemently.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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