So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
