i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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