omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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