He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
