Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
