are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
