idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
