Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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