i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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