I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
