The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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