I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Boobs speak an international language.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
