Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
