going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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