she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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