So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize