and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
