You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
