i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
