White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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