I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
