he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
