Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
