just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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