I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
