I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
