I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
