So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
