3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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