I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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