Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
