he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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