I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
