I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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