So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
