apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
