How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize