capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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