Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
