Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
