Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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