please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
