I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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