So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
