Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
