I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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