hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
