Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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