i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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