After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
