What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
