i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
