I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
