Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize