Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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