I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
