I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
