How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
