Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
