I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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