I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize