Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
