You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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