: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
