6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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