Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
