I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
