"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
