my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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