Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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