I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
