So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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