He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
