so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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