Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
