You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
