I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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